Ramblings ... again! :)

I am disillusioned ... with my job, with my love, with just about everything! What's the use, I ask myself ... to slog all day - no recognition, no growth ... 'n peanuts!!! :) Well, not exactly, but just that I see no meaning in it all!

I've become too cynical of all this nowadays! Some things and people bug me no end....'n I just can't stand it! All around, I just see insincerity, back stabbing and matlabi log! (I couldn't find the appropriate word for this!) And I'm just not like this ... I try to be sincere, just give it my best ... and just not care! But for how long??? Can I remain insulated from everything that's going around? It's just getting impossible!

I am close to a few people, and they mean the world to me! I may never say so in so many words ... but yes, they mean a lot. And some of these very people turn against me ... I just am not able to handle! Say it on my face dammit ... just say that you have a problem - let's get on with it! Why beat around the bush?

Love is another thing I fail to understand! Love, to me is pure ... very sacrosanct ... nothing to be played around with! And I find people playing around here too! And it bugs me no end! Love is never to be mentioned - it's just there in your eyes, in your mind - sometimes you never even need to express it - but please don't play with it! With my feelings or your own! Please!

Is this how we need to behave in an adult world? If yes, then I would rather be a child, or better still a recluse! Away from all this deceit and falsehood! Just all alone!

I guess this is the beginning of the end of my short stay in Chennai ... I don't really know where I'm headed - but I hope it is somewhere good - it is a quest for what I really want - and I have only just begun ...